Have you ever been invited to a party and just didn’t feel like partying? For whatever reason, everything in you just didn’t want to people that day. I’ve been there!
A month ago, Walt and I found ourselves in an unfamiliar place, facing unfamiliar things. It was on our birthday and I’d spent most of the day at the hospital with him. I had taken him his favorite breakfast, but he wouldn’t eat it. He seemed to be stuck in a weird place where I couldn’t rouse him from.
Around 2pm, the doctor came in and she began to ask him questions that he had problems responding to. Finally I couldn’t be quiet anymore. “Please take him off these pain medications. He’s not used to taking any and I believe they’re really messing him up. This man is not my husband! He’s unresponsive to the therapists, he can’t function, heck, before this all happened, he worked 40 hours. Take him off these narcotics! He doesn’t need them! He doesn’t take anything but ibuprofen at home!”
She listened and gave the orders to the nurses. I helped him back into bed, gave him a kiss and told him I was headed home. The truth was, I couldn’t take it anymore. It had been 10 days and the more I stayed and watched him, the more discouraged and hopeless I was becoming.
I drove through the carwash and called a friend and began to sob. I explained what was going on and she began to encourage me to play some worship music and worship. I’m not going to lie–even though I’m a worshipper, there are times I just don’t feel like it and this was one of those times.
I went home, fell on my bed, curled into a fetal position and just let myself cry. It was the first time since the fall that I’d even allowed myself to go there. I called out, “Jesus! I need you! I can’t do this without you! Help me!”
Just then my phone rang, it was my pastor. He began to speak into me and pray for me. I felt the breath of God infuse me with strength and felt that this was going to be a pivotal day for Walt and I. Guess what, it was!
I jumped into the shower to get ready to go to a dinner party a sweet friend put on for our birthday. I didn’t feel like going, but I knew I needed to. Even though I didn’t feel like worshipping, I began to sing songs of love to the Lord and I thanked Him that His hand was on us and as always, He was providing for us and watching over us. As always, I sensed His Spirit coursing through my body and began to proclaim His Word.
Tomorrow, I will continue the story, but for now let me encourage you by saying, it doesn’t matter if you feel like it. Do what you know to do and God will meet you there.