Nit-Pickers

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Catch the foxes for us—the little foxes that spoil the vineyard.  Our vineyard is now in bloom. Song of Songs 2:15

It’s never the obvious things that do the most damage. Those are things easily seen and taken care of. It’s more the underlying current in a conversation, things perceived or not easily recognized that do the most damage.

Many times I’ve sat across the table in a counseling session listening to a couple pour out their pent up frustration and anger toward each other. It seems as though they’ve stored it all up, hurling rocks of insults and accusations back and forth until we hold up our hands to halt the war before actual blows are dealt.

With some, it becomes fuel that fans the flames and they don’t know how to live in peace with each other. Without the conflict, they feel things wouldn’t be ‘normal’, they would have nothing to fight for. What they don’t see is that 15% conflict is healthy, but anything more or less is destructive.

They may fight about the kids, but when the kids leave home they have nothing to fight about. It may be finances, but when everything is fine, they have no conflict and they cease to invest.

Or perhaps they begin to notice the flaws in each other because there is nothing else to draw their attention away from them. The way she chews her food has never changed, you’re just noticing it differently. The way he routinely comes home and sits and does nothing is now viewed as withdrawal.

It happens to everyone at some time, the picture doesn’t change, just the details do. So how do we keep our marriages from being the next statistic? By not allowing the little foxes to spoil the vine. When you’re tempted to nit-pic each other, choose to focus on the good, not the bad. Choose to hear the love, not the hate. Think the best of your spouse, not the worst.

Always keep in mind that the real deal is that the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy. If you think you’re not subject to attack, just let down your guard and wait for it. If it’s left exposed long enough, it’s fair game! He always plays with your mind so guard it! Don’t allow yours to be his playground, twirling you on his merry-go-round until you can’t stand up straight and fall down at his mercy.

Father, for all the marriages that are under attack right now, I ask that you’ll expose the plans of the enemy and may he be stopped in his tracks. I plead the blood of Jesus over every couple right now. I ask that they see and know the truth and that it set them free. I guard my own marriage and refuse to allow the devil to run roughshod over our conversations. May Your love be evident in all we do and say. It’s in Jesus’ name and for Your glory. Amen.

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